🔗 Share this article Navigating the Yearning for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I start seeing any man, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males engage in open relationships, yet from my observations, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.